He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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