the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
