There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
