Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
