I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
