I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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