If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
