I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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