I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
