I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
