Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
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