If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm sobbing to NWA
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
