with your own penis?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
