T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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