Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
