Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
