I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
