tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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