yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize