I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
