I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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