i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
