Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
