U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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