your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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