why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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