It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
