I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
