I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
