3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
