Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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