Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
