everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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