i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
