At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
The air taste purple.
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