I should be sponsored by Trojan
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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