she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
