I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
