Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
