barbara walters just said penis...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
