Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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