omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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