I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
