MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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