I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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