I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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