sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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