If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
