Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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