never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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