You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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