I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
