So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I need moral support for this bender
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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