in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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