If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize