No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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