In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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