nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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