I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
