"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
