thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
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