please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Randomize
