you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
