What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We left the knife in your bed.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
