I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
