there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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