I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
