peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize