can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
