fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
