Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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