Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
