Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
